The Light
by Eira Lloyd
Summary: "What you've just lived through? It happened in the other universe too — I saw it happen," she revealed, and Matteusz started to understand why this woman was talking to him — she wanted to help him somehow. "Our Matteusz — the one from the alternate universe I live in — asked me to contact you and help you so that you wouldn't lose your Charlie the way he lost his."
1. The Hope

The Light

 **Part 1: The Hope.**

 _"_ _We do these things because we have to, but who are we when we're done?"_

 _—Matteusz Andrzejewski._

Matteusz never actually thought that Charlie would use the Cabinet of Souls. Even after everything the alien had gone through, after everything he'd felt and said, Matteusz never actually _believed_ it would happen. But he had done it anyway. To be fair, Charlie had been pushed over the edge — first by the possibility of losing Matteusz and then by being forced to murder his best friend. April was alive, albeit in Corakinus's body, but that didn't erase the fact that Charlie had pulled the trigger and watched his friend die, even if only for a moment.

The blond had left the room, unable to look at anyone. Matteusz didn't know where he'd gone. At first he wanted to follow him, but his anger, disappointment and shock were far too fresh, and he feared he would say things he would regret. So he stayed in the room, doing his best to pay attention to what was happening, but he kept zoning out, thinking of his boyfriend — were they still together after it all? — and how he had left, looking truly alone.

Eventually, Matteusz couldn't bear it any longer — the air in the room was stiff, and nobody in it could face each other. Quill's displacement gun was still glowing, still being pointed at someone — whether it was April-slash-Corakinus or somebody else, Matteusz had no idea — and he felt like he was suffocating. He needed fresh air. He needed to breathe, to calm down and just think. Or maybe he shouldn't think at all, and just wait for it to pass. Most importantly, he needed to be alone. It was the only way he'd be able to clear his head.

He made it outside the school before slumping on the stairs. The school grounds were empty, ever since the Shadow Kin revealed themselves to the rest of the world. After it had all passed, Matteusz could imagine all the students running to the only place where they felt safe: home. Those people were lucky, he thought, because at least they had a home. His parents had kicked him out, and he thought he'd found a home with Charlie — until detention. And a week later, he wasn't sure he had found a new home.

He sighed, and tried to clear his head.

When he'd gone to Charlie's house earlier, to talk, he hadn't expected things to go the way they had. He was glad that Quill had woken up, but then he found out about the murders of Ram's father and Tanya's mother. At least Ram still had his mother, and Tanya had her brothers — shit. Tanya had her brothers, and _only_ them. And those three… they were orphans now. Because of a war they were never involved in to begin with. And Tanya's brothers… were they supposed to be the Three and Four that Corakinus had mentioned wanted to kill before him?

Matteusz took a deep breath. Corakinus was dead now, as were the rest of the Shadow Kin. Those thoughts wouldn't take him anywhere.

Instead of calming himself down, he made everything worse.

Because just thinking of the Shadow Kin was a reminder of what Charlie had done — destroyed an entire species. Charlie, sole survivor of a brutal genocide, had committed one, just now. It was the one thing the Doctor had told him not to do, the one thing _Matteusz_ had told him not to do… And he'd done it. Yes, he'd been pushed to his limit but… It still hurt. It started with threatening Dorothea Ames, the new headmistress, with Quill's displacement gun. And then… Then he threatened to shoot Corakinus. Then he shot April. And then he committed genocide. A _double_ genocide: the souls of all Rhodians died as well. He had to, Matteusz understood that, but… Who was he after it all? Was he a murderer? Was he a monster? Or was he a good person who had been forced to do bad things because of the situation he found himself in?

Matteusz was lost in his thoughts — so lost he didn't hear the soft footsteps heading towards him until he saw a figure sitting down on the steps next to him out of the corner of his eye.

"Matteusz Andrzejewski?" asked a soft, feminine voice. The boy in question turned his head to look at her. The woman that had sat down next to him was a blond woman with big round brown eyes, who looked to be in her mid-to-late twenties, and had a worried look on her face. Matteusz had never seen her before in his life, but he was far too tired emotionally to be scared or suspicious of this woman.

"Yes?"

"My name is Rose Tyler," she introduced herself. "I used to travel with the Doctor, years ago. I'm sure you've heard of him," she continued. Matteusz had no idea where she was going, and was too tired to try and figure it out. Instead, he nodded, and let her explain everything for herself. "During my travels with the Doctor I… I ended up trapped in another universe — an alternate universe. It's quite similar to this one, really, but there are a few differences." She paused, to see if Matteusz was still following her. He nodded once, slowly, signalling he'd understood, yet he was sure his confusion was written plainly on his face. "In the parallel universe I live in, the Shadow Kin also invaded Rhodia, and the Doctor and I saved him — well, the Doctor's duplicate. It was the result of a two-way biological metacrisis—" she cut herself off when Matteusz's confusion became even more pronounced. "Sorry, that's not important to this story.

"What's important is that the Shadow Kin followed Charlie and Andra'ath to Earth. And what you've just lived through? It happened in the other universe too — I saw it happen," she revealed, and Matteusz started to understand why this woman was talking to him — she wanted to help him somehow. But how could she know what he and the team — if they even were a team anymore — had just gone through? Or was she just guessing, according to what had happened in that alternate universe. Did she even see it all go down? If so, why hadn't she done anything?

Too many questions ran through Matteusz's mind, but he decided to start with a simple one. "What were the difference between your events and ours?" She had mentioned the two universes were mostly alike, but there were differences. Surely, if the events had happened the same way, then she wouldn't be here now?

Rose smiled, as though he had pleased her somehow. That confused Matteusz even more. Was it something he said? He would never know, because she didn't comment on it, and answered his question instead, "Charlie couldn't live with what he'd done." She didn't specify anything, but she didn't have to. Matteusz understood. And the thought terrified him — more than anything else in the world. He opened his mouth to ask a question, but Rose continued, "My organisation built a dimension cannon once. We can't use it, because the walls, of sorts, between the universes are far too thick to properly go through. But we can still project our image into other universes for a few moments. Our Matteusz — the one from the alternate universe I live in — asked me to contact you and help you so that you wouldn't lose your Charlie the way he lost his."

"How will you help me?" Matteusz asked, confused, but willing to accept any help he could get from anyone, as long as he could save Charlie from himself.

"I'm helping you right now," she answered. "You see we're… we're not so different, you and I. When I first met the Doctor, he was grieving the loss of his people. You see, the reason he has a soft spot for people who are the last of their species is because he is the last of his kind too. And when I first met him, the war between his people and another race had just finished, with a double genocide. Both species were completely destroyed, and the Doctor was the only survivor." Rose paused. "It took me a while before I found out he was the one who'd caused those genocides." Before Matteusz could say anything else, she quickly added, "He had to. He had no other choice. The war was devastating to other species — they were destroying planets and other aliens and the Doctor couldn't handle it. He fought in it, and wanted to end that long, bloody war, and he used an artefact called the Moment to do it.

"After that… the war haunted him. And he was completely alone, with only his spaceship for company. It all took its toll on him — destroying his people and his enemies, being alone, having all of time and space at his disposal, without anyone to show it to. He stopped being the Doctor." A sad smile appeared on her face. "He still saved people. Of course he did. He was constantly brooding, snapping at people for whatever reason. But he was still so selfless… I still remember once I… I did something I shouldn't have, and put so many people in danger… And you know what he did? That same Doctor who committed a double genocide and was full of rage and grief? He didn't think. He jumped in front of everybody, and let those creatures kill him. He returned, eventually, after… Well, after my mistake was fixed. He was so tired. Tired of watching people die, and especially because of him. We had the opportunity, once, to save everyone who was in danger. And I don't mean everyone except for the initial deaths. I mean _everyone_. All those who were affected by the… plague, of sorts. The Doctor figured it all out, and he did what he always does — he saved them. He was… smiling and laughing like Father Christmas. I still remember his exact words. 'Just this once, Rose, everybody lives'."

She fell silent, and Matteusz followed her lead, unwilling to break it. He understood it better now — understood why the Doctor was so keen on saving everyone during prom night, and why he dropped everything to convince Charlie not to avenge genocide with genocide. Because he knew what it felt like, and he knew how hard it was to go back from that. In fact, Matteusz wasn't even sure how he was able to — the man he met and the man that had just been described did not seem like the same people at all, and yet… "Why are you telling me this?" he asked the blonde.

"Because I imagine Charlie will go through a similar process now, and he's going to need help. The Doctor has companions, but when these are gone… There's always going to be a period when he stays alone. And he shouldn't have to. Because that's when he suffers most. And Charlie… If he has to go through this alone, he won't make it," Rose stated, deep sadness reflected in her light brown eyes.

"I left him alone," Matteusz realised. "The me from that other universe — I left him alone."

The blonde nodded. "You — the other Matteusz — needed time to think about it all, much like you were doing now, when I found you. And… well, he took too long. And trust me, I _know_ how difficult it is to love someone with such baggage. And I understand if you can't find it in yourself to love him after this but—"

For the first time since the conversation had started, Matteusz interrupted her, "No, I–I love him." He had made a promise, hadn't he? Of course he loved Charlie. Of course, he felt angry, hurt, and disappointed, but that didn't make him love Charlie any less. No, love doesn't go away that easily.

Rose smiled once more, pleased by that fact. "Charlie's going to need help. And not just anyone's. He's going to need help from the people he cares most about, especially you. When I travelled with the Doctor, I didn't know what I was doing, but in reality, I was helping him. I was giving him hope, that maybe, just maybe, he'd get to be the Doctor again. Charlie needs that too. He needs hope, and only you can provide that. He needs a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold. Someone that will be there for him when the days are tough and will remind him that it's not over, that, even if he will never completely make up for what he's done, he can and _should_ try. Good people don't just stop being good because they make bad decisions. It just means they have to find the light again."

At her words, Matteusz let out a humourless chuckle. "You sound like April."

Rose gave him a small smile. "Well, she's right. The Doctor found it after all. You see, his enemies, the ones he supposedly destroyed in the war with his species, always found a way to come back. Even when he lost everything, they always found a way to come back." She paused, her eyes filled with tears, and she blinked them away. "The first time he saw one he… he went mad with grief and rage, and was about to kill the last one, with this big alien gun, even though he hates all sorts of guns… And I stopped him. Afterwards, I thought he would kick me out of the TARDIS — take me back home and leave me there, and never come back. But he didn't. He let me stay. He didn't even think of kicking me out, according to him.

"The next time we met them, however, was different. Very different. It was months after the first encounter, and… it wasn't just one of them — it was an entire fleet, nearly an empire. And he worked so hard to find a way to wipe them all out and end it all. But there was a catch: to rid the universe of them — a genocidal species that would put Hitler himself to shame — and save billions of planets and species, he had to destroy the Earth and all those who lived in it." She paused. "He didn't do it. He couldn't. I'm certain he would have done it, if it had happened earlier, whether it's before he met me, or after my first encounter with that species but… He didn't. He couldn't. He changed."

"You are telling me not to give up on Charlie," Matteusz summed up.

"It will be difficult," Rose warned him. "There was a moment where _I_ 'd lost hope. He abandoned me, trying to keep me safe. But I found my way back to him. I always do." She smiled fondly, twisting a ring on her left ring finger absent-mindedly. "Even when I was pulled into another universe, and he was forced to stay here, I found my way back to him. You have to fight for Charlie, Matteusz, because if he's anything like the Doctor, he'll lose hope quickly. But _you_ can't. You need to _be_ his hope. Because otherwise…" the blonde trailed off, and Matteusz instantly knew what she meant. It was hard not to, after having found out what happened to Charlie in that alternate universe. And Matteusz would be damned if he let that happen to his Charlie.

"Then I'd better start now," he decided, standing up from the steps and walking away. He stopped almost immediately, realising he was being rude, and turned around one last time. "Thank you," he told Rose, and he meant it. Then he took off, as fast as he could, to Charlie's house.

They needed to talk.

Rose Tyler watched him go before disappearing into thin air, and returning to the other universe. The Matteusz she knew was waiting for her, standing up immediately after she reappeared — the only teenager part of the Torchwood staff that ran around the room, making sure the dimension cannon was working. The blonde noticed her Doctor hadn't returned, but before she could ask about him, Matteusz spoke up, "Did you talk to him?"

"I did," Rose answered, and he smiled in relief. "He's going to Charlie's house at the moment. He'll help him, I'm sure."

Matteusz looked as though a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He slumped on a nearby chair, deeply relieved Charlie would get through it all, even if it was in another universe, with another version of himself. "Thank you, Rose," he eventually said. "You don't know how much this means to me."

Rose smiled sadly. "Oh, believe me, Matteusz, I do."


	2. The Lost

**Part 2: The Lost.**

 _"_ _Please don't go where I can't follow."_

 _—_ _Matteusz Andrzejewski._

Charlie couldn't look at any of them. His friends — his _former_ friends — wouldn't look at him either. Not after what he'd done. The blond didn't blame them — he wasn't able to look at himself either, avoiding his reflexion everywhere he went, whether it was a window, a mirror, or the dark screen of his mobile phone. He left the room without saying a word. He thought they wouldn't mind. He thought they'd be happy that he was gone. They must blame him for everything that had happened, from the very beginning. Charlie himself certainly did.

The blond started picking up his pace as soon as he had left the school, and eventually started running towards his house. He struggled with the keys at the entrance, his hands too shaky to hold the set, which fell once or twice before he finally unlocked the door and went through. He closed the door behind him, and went up the stairs, heading for his room. He didn't know whether to head to his bathroom to throw up, or just lie on the ground and curl into a ball. He did neither of those, and simply climbed the extra steps on the way to his bed, where he collapsed, and stared at the ceiling, trying to calm himself down.

It wasn't working. He was still shaking.

"Well, that's not something you see every day," a voice commented, one that wasn't his own, and Charlie jumped, sitting up quickly. Leaning against the railing on the platform was a man who seemed to be in his thirties, wearing a blue pinstriped suit with red Converse. He wore square black framed glasses, and had an energetic aura about him, that got to Charlie despite all his inner turmoil. "Royalty collapsing. Hey, that sounds like a good title for a song. Royalty Collapsing. Or maybe a band. What do you think?" the strange man asked Charlie, a big grin on his face.

His mind was coming up blank, and the only thing the blond could ask was, "Who are you?"

"I'm the Doctor."

There was a tense silence, and then Charlie stated, "No, you're not."

"Yes I am," the stranger insisted.

"No, you're not. I've met the Doctor and he looked… _different_ , older. And he was Scottish," he added as an afterthought, remembering April's comments on the Time Lord's accent after the prom. Charlie wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but he did know the man in front of him had a different accent than the Doctor's.

"Oh, right. No, sorry, that's another regeneration. I'm one of his previous regenerations — the tenth," he explained. " _Weeeell_ , actually, no. I'm the result of a biological metacrisis which included his tenth regeneration — I'm part Human, part Time Lord. But I've still got all of the Doctor's memories from before the metacrisis, and the same attitude — _weeell_ , with a little bit of Donna on the side."

All that rambling confused Charlie, and he could only understand the words "biological metacrisis", "part human, part Time Lord". He shook his head and asked the first question that appeared in his mind, "What's a Donna?"

A sad, distant look crossed the man's face, and Charlie started to understand that maybe, just maybe, this person wasn't as happy and excited as he pretended to be. "Never mind. Forget what I said," he replied, refusing to answer. "What you need to know is that I'm basically the Doctor on a brain-level, even if I'm in the body of a human — sort of. It's complicated, but you're a smart lad. So, where were we? Ah, yes, Royalty Collapsing. It's because of what you did, yes? You can't handle it."

Charlie's feelings were already all over the place, but the man's statement both scared him and infuriated him even more. "How do you know about that?" the Rhodian demanded, clenching his shaky fists. "You weren't there — I would've seen you. I would've known." He would've made himself known, if he was truly the Doctor. After all, wasn't it him that had explicitly told him not to avenge genocide with genocide — not to _avenge_ , period? Although Charlie's actions had been fuelled by the desire of revenge, it wasn't that which had set him off. It was the threats to his friends, to his family — to this new planet in which he'd found a home. The problem was, after his actions, he wasn't sure he had friends or family anymore. In fact, he wasn't sure he'd had those after what happened in detention.

"Oh, no, I wasn't there. I mean, I was there, but not _there_. It's complicated," the man rambled. At Charlie's glare, he specified, "I live in a parallel universe. Over here, things are slightly more advanced than in yours, and I was present at the events in the universe I live in. Well, not quite. I arrived too late. Matteusz told me—"

"Matteusz?" Charlie asked, forgetting everything about the stranger in his house, and his strange ramblings the moment his boyfriend — or should he say _former_ boyfriend? — came up in the discussion. "You've seen him? You've talked to him?" _Does he hate me?_ he wanted to ask, but didn't. He wasn't sure he wanted to know, even if he had his suspicions.

The man's face softened. "Not your Matteusz, I'm afraid. The one from my universe. Well, it's not really _my_ universe, but for the sake of making this conversation easier, let's just say it is," he added, but this time, his rambling lacked the excited tone from earlier. "He told me what happened. And then you — well, the Charlie from my universe — decided to do something stupid. So here I am, trying to make sure you won't make the same mistake again."

There was a small pause, during which Charlie tried to take everything in. "You're trying to help me?" That didn't sound plausible. Whoever this stranger was — why would he want to help? _Especially_ after what he'd done. Why would he want to have anything to do with him?

The man seemed to be reading his mind, because he answered the questions that he had been thinking about rather than the one he'd asked, "I'm not a man of second chances. But a friend asked me to help you, and I couldn't refuse. Besides, if _I_ got through it, then I don't see why you couldn't."

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked, confused. Surely this man, the so-called Doctor, had never committed genocide himself. He was too moral for that, he knew better. Whatever it was he'd gone through, could it be even remotely similar to what Charlie was going through?

The man sat down on the bed next to the blond, who stayed where he was, despite his suspicion. "Have you heard of the Last Great Time War, Charlie?" the man asked him, and the boy in question nodded. He'd heard of it, of course. Everyone in Rhodia had. It marked the defeat of both sides, the Time Lords and the Daleks, as well as the extinction of both. The Doctor had been the only survivor from the Time Lord side, but Daleks had been sighted in various parts of the universe, despite their apparent extinction. But they were always defeated by the Doctor. Always. "I fought in it."

"You?"

"Yes, me. The Doctor. I fought in it." He paused, looking far too serious for someone who'd been nearly jumping with excitement two minutes ago. "I ended it." He paused once more, letting that sink in. Charlie didn't ask anything — the question was evident in his eyes. So the man — the Doctor — continued, "I used an artefact called the Moment to do it. And I destroyed both species — the Time Lords and the Daleks. I'm responsible for two genocides, including that of my people, just like you."

"What? But—but you're… You're the Doctor," Charlie stammered. The Doctor would never do that. He would never—

"I am. I was. Just… not in that moment. I wasn't the Doctor back then. I was just another Time Lord fighting a war. And then I was the Time Lord who ended it. But… I wasn't the Doctor. I tried to reclaim that title after. Travelling through the universe, saving people… But I was lonely, and haunted by the war. It was too much for me to bear. I was lost… And then I found Rose."

"Rose?" Charlie asked, not knowing who he was referring to. The Doctor who'd rescued him travelled with no one, especially not a rose — let it be a flower or a human with such name.

"She was my first companion after… After the Time War. She was nineteen when I met her — she lived here, in London, in the Powell Estate. The first time I met her, I blew up her job." A small, nostalgic smile appeared on his face, constrating with Charlie's surprised expression. "Good times." The Rhodian decided that they both had _very_ different definitions of what a "good time" was. "At first she refused my offer to travel with me, so I travelled alone. But then… Someone convinced me to ask her again, so I did. I took my TARDIS to the exact moment where I'd left the first time, and this time, she said yes."

"So she travelled with you," the blond summed up.

A fond smile appeared on his face as he thought of Rose. "Oh, she did far more than that. She _healed_ me. Without even knowing about the Time War and my role in it, she just… made me a better person. Made me a bit more like her. She helped me become the Doctor again." He paused, as if gathering his thoughts, and the fond smile was gone, replaced by a serious expression once more. "It doesn't get easier, you know, dealing with it. It doesn't go away, and it never will. But that's good. It means that you're still a good person. And as long as that's what you are, then there's hope for you."

Charlie snorted. "Yes, well, I don't feel very hopeful at the moment."

The Doctor nodded. "Neither did I. But Rose… Rose gave me hope again."

They stayed silent, before the Rhodian spoke up, "So, you want me to find a Rose?" Did the man actually want him to find someone called Rose, or was that just a metaphor for someone who would help him get through everything, help him hope again? Because he wasn't too keen on finding either of those things.

The man stood up, leaning against the railing, looking down at the rest of Charlie's room, before turning back and facing him once more. "Well, not exactly, no. You've already found her. Weeell, _him_ , You've already found _him_." The Doctor didn't give a name, but a pointed look accompanied his words, and the blond immediately knew who he was talking about.

"Matteusz," he voiced his thoughts. "You mean Matteusz." The Doctor nodded, smiling. "I don't… I don't think he's very keen on seeing me right now. He must hate me, after what I've done. He was opposed to it, since the very beginning." And now, he probably wouldn't want anything to do with Charlie ever again. His heart broke just by thinking of it, not that the blond could blame him. Matteusz had warned him he wouldn't be able to follow him to that dark place he was now — the result of a brutal genocide that made him no better than the Shadow Kin themselves. And he'd done it anyway.

The Doctor's face softened once more. "He doesn't hate you. He's just… Hurt. Angry. Disappointed. But he doesn't hate you. He loves you too much for that," the man told him, and Charlie gave him a sceptic look.

"How do you know that? I thought you hadn't spoken to him."

"I haven't. His counterpart in my universe told me. I assume it's not too different here," the Doctor answered. "I assume he's told you he loves you at least once?" he asked, a knowing look on his face, and Charlie had to admit that he was right. The first time had been the night his parents had thrown him out of the house. The last had been right before Quill woke up from her hibernation, earlier that day. The last time was more than that, though. It had also been a promise. Charlie wondered if that promise had just been broken by his actions — if he had just ruined his chance at being with Matteusz, the one person he cared about the most.

"He did, but that was before… Before what I did. I doubt he feels the same way now," the blond answered, his words laced with bitterness and self-hatred. He'd just made the worst mistake of his life and was paying it in every possible way. He was lost, just like the Doctor after the Last Great Time War, except Charlie didn't have anyone to help him. No one wanted to be around him after it all, even if two of his friends — _former_ friends? — had insisted on him destroying the Shadow Kin — all of them.

The Doctor gave him another pointed look. "Love doesn't go away that easily. Just talk to him and you'll see."

Charlie considered it — he really did — but ended up shaking his head. "I shouldn't. I… This is all my fault. Matteusz deserves better," he stated. Perhaps it was better that way — with Charlie alone, just like he should be, and Matteusz getting a chance at living a better life, with someone who could actually make him happy instead of throwing him in the middle of danger, and putting his life at risk more times than he could count. Matteusz would be happier, and safer without him. Of that, Charlie was sure.

The Doctor, however, thought differently. "Don't you think it's for him to decide that? Don't you think he should be the one to decide what he wants, and who he wants to be with?" He did have a point, but Charlie shook his head regardless.

"You don't understand. If he'd never met me, he'd have never got involved with the Shadow Kin. He would still live in his house, with his parents, and they wouldn't have thrown him out because he was dating me," the blond explained, and was about to continue when the man cut him off.

"If it hadn't been you, then it would have been another boyfriend that would have got him kicked out of his house," the Doctor pointed out, and Charlie had to admit that he was right. Not aloud, though. He wasn't quite ready for that yet. "At least you took him in, let him stay for as long as he needed." Those words just made the blond's heart ache even more at the reminder of what had happened during the past week.

"We had an argument a week ago, during detention. He's been sleeping in his cousin's car ever since," he admitted, and the thought of it was too much for Charlie. He knew Matteusz had nowhere else to go, so why hadn't he done anything as the Pole walked out of the house that night, to return only a week later? How could he have let that happen without batting an eyelash?

"You kicked him out? Even though he had nowhere to go?" the Doctor asked, surprised. "Blimey, that's rude," he commented, and yes, it definitely was, but his words just made Charlie even more defensive than he already was.

"I didn't kick him out," the Rhodian informed him. "I just… I didn't stop him from leaving. I knew he had nowhere else to go but I wasn't… I wasn't thinking straight. If I'd known where he would be staying, I would've stopped him. I would have…" he trailed off, before putting his face in his hands.

The Doctor sighed. He was supposed to be helping the boy, but apparently, he was making it worse. "Charlie?" He got no response from the blond. "Charlie, look at me." Slowly, the Rhodian raised his head, and dropped his hands. "If Matteusz is as stubborn as Rose, then you wouldn't have been able to convince him to stay either way." And, most importantly, "Don't worry too much about it for now." It was in the past — a past that couldn't be changed, not even with time travel — and it was much more important to worry about the present. The present and the future.

"And how can I do that?" the Rhodian asked, a deep bitterness and self-hatred still present in his voice. "Aren't you supposed to be helping me anyway?"

The Doctor blinked. "Oh. Right. About that…" he trailed off, looking for the exact words. "Talk to Matteusz. See what he has to say. Don't be making decisions without him, _especially_ if they will affect you both. Listen to what he has to say. And, most importantly, _don't push him away_. That will just hurt you both even more, and you don't want to hurt him again, do you?" He was right. Charlie wouldn't be able to deal with it if he hurt Matteusz again. "Besides, you need him. You love him. And he loves you. That's something you ought to remember." There was a small, tense pause, in which the Rhodian slowly nodded. He would heed that advice. "Don't let this opportunity pass by. And remember, Charlie, even if it feels like nothing will ever be okay again, like there's nothing you can do, like your life should come to an end — remember there is _always_ hope." He started leaving then, walking down the steps to the lower part of the room, when he suddenly stopped, stared at one of the pictures hanging off his wall, turned back and spoke up, "Oh, one last thing. Why do you have a framed picture of the inside of a red cabbage?"

"I, uh—" Before the blond could answer properly, the Doctor was gone, leaving him alone with his thoughts about genocide, Matteusz, and red cabbage. The blond lay back on his bed, and thought of the conversation he'd just had. He decided he had two options: stay in his room and wallow in self-hatred, or get up and search for Matteusz. They needed to talk, after all.

Finally, Charlie decided to go for the second option, and he stood up. He'd stopped shaking, and a sense of fear and anticipation gripped him as he quickly went down the stairs, grabbing his keys and his jacket as he reached the hall, and opened the door of his house.

He wasn't expecting to end up face to face with the exact person he wanted to see.

Matteusz.


	3. The Promise

**A/N: Thank you all for reading the story! Here is the last part, I hope you like it!**

 **Ghargr18: Thank you very much! I'm glad you love this, haha. Ir means I've done this right. But don't cry! D: The ( _only_ ) good thing that comes of not having a season 2 is that we can imagine whatever we want as a continuation! (I still want a season 2, though...) The show was brilliant, they shouldn't have cancelled it. Anyway, I hope you like this last chapter and thank you for reading!**

 **Part 3: The Promise.**

 _"_ _I promise to love you today. And tomorrow I will make this promise again."_

 _"_ _I make that promise too."_

 _—_ _Matteusz Andrzejewski and Charlie Smith._

Matteusz's hand was raised, as though he'd been about to ring the bell. They were both surprised to see the other there, so they simply stared at each other for a moment, before Charlie finally cleared his throat. "Charlie," the Pole greeted him, surprise plain in his voice. He clearly hadn't expected the blond to open the door before he'd even rung the bell. Perhaps he'd thought Charlie wouldn't open the door regardless of whether someone did it or not.

"Matteusz," the blond greeted back, and they fell into a small, tense silence before he added, "I was going to look for you. I…" he trailed off. "We need to talk." And this time, Charlie wouldn't put it off for another week. He wasn't sure either of them would be able to handle it this time.

Matteusz nodded but didn't move, and neither did the Rhodian. They stood by the door, without saying a word, until finally, the Pole decided to break the silence. "Can I come in?" he asked, and if Charlie hadn't been raised like a prince, he would probably have hit himself in the head.

"Of course," he answered immediately, moving aside and opening the door wider. _You don't have to ask,_ he added mentally, closing the door once Matteusz had crossed the threshold. It felt strange, to have the boy ask him whether he could come in or not, when he'd lived there for around two months. Without Quill or Matteusz in the house for the past week, Charlie had been feeling truly alone, and not even the souls in the Cabinet had been able to take that feeling away from him.

Now he didn't even have that.

The blond swallowed, and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Matteusz and he needed to talk, and it would be difficult, considering his emotions were all over the place, but it couldn't be postponed. If there's anything he learnt of the past week is that nothing good came out of postponing important talks.

But he _could_ delay it a bit. "How's April?" he asked Matteusz. "How are the rest?"

"I don't know," the boy answered truthfully. "When I left, they were still arguing." And now that he'd had a talk with Rose, and that he was standing in Charlie's house, he felt a bit guilty for leaving so soon, as if he didn't care. He was worried, of course, and he _did_ care about the rest of the group. He shook his head slightly, hopefully not enough for the blond to notice. First, he'd save Charlie from himself, even if it was only for today. Then they could go back to their friends — were they still friends after all that had just happened? — and make sure everyone was okay.

"And… how are you?" the Rhodian asked, trying very hard to maintain his composure, but his clenched fists and the way he avoided looking into Matteusz's eyes gave him away. He dreaded to know the answer to that question, and he dreaded to even think of how the rest of the conversation would go. He suddenly started having second thoughts, but it was too late to back out.

"Alive," Matteusz answered and, yes, that was a good start. There were far too many times he'd thought he'd been about to die, but today? It had been the most intense experience of his life, and he wasn't too keen on repeating it. "But, Charlie—" He hesitated, before stepping towards Charlie, closing the space between them. He didn't get too close, though. Just close enough to grip the blond's arms, gently, but firmly. "How are _you_?" He paused, and when he didn't receive an answer, he added, "I thought… I thought I would lose you."

"I…" Charlie trailed off, the events replaying inside his mind. A silent tear rolled down his cheek. "I should have died."

Matteusz's grip got slightly tighter. "Don't say that."

"It's the truth." Another tear. "I shot April. I killed the Shadow Kin. I… I lost you," he whispered the last part in an attempt to prevent his voice from breaking. It didn't, but his heart did, and two more tears rolled down, one after the other. "I understand if you hate me—"

"Charlie," Matteusz cut him off, making one step closer. "I don't hate you."

"But—"

"I could never hate you," he insisted.

"Even after what I did?"

Well, it was like he'd told Rose, wasn't it? He loved Charlie, and that wouldn't go away so easily. Neither would his other feelings — his anger, his hurt remained, but he could push them aside for a moment. Right now, Charlie needed help — _his_ help. And that was more important. "I made a promise," Matteusz reminded him, "that I would love you today. And I _will_ make this same promise tomorrow."

"Matteusz, I…" he trailed off the moment he looked up, finally looking at him in the eyes. The Doctor's earlier words came to his mind: _You love him. And he loves you. That's something you ought to remember._ Charlie wanted to tell the boy he was better off without him, that he would only cause him trouble. That he should leave and stay away for his own sake. But the look in Matteusz's eyes and the Doctor's very stern words ( _don't push him away_ ) made him lose his resolve immediately. Charlie couldn't do it. He was weak, he was selfish, and he didn't want Matteusz to go. "I love you," he finished, and another tear rolled down his cheek. He wanted to wipe it away, but before he could even think of freeing himself of Matteusz's grip to do it, the other boy pulled him closer. Charlie buried his head in the taller boy's chest and gripped his shirt like his life depended on it.

Matteusz held him as he cried silently, in the middle of the hallway, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead. They still had a lot to talk about, amongst themselves, and with the rest of the group, but for now, it was just the two of them, alone, and in need of each other. Time passed without them realising, but eventually, Charlie pulled away, his tears dried. He didn't pull away much, just enough so that he could look at Matteusz's face as he admitted something he was deeply afraid of.

"Matteusz… I'm lost." The boy in question didn't answer at first. Instead, he cupped Charlie's face. He looked into the Rhodian's blue eyes, still quiet. And then — finally — he replied.

"Then I will find you."


End file.
